then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
