whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
