So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
My pussy is not your playground.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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