Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
