No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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