I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
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As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
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What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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