As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
