This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
