apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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