Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
