Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
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I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
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Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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