I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
