Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
