Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
