Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
