the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
