Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize