Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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