Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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