Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
