fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I FOUND THE LEGS
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
