you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
