Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
