dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
