I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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