I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
