Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
