fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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