My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
i need to put some appletini on your dick
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
