i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
