I feel like abortions should bother me more
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
My vagina is officially offended.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
