No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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