You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
