dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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