Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Did we literally take a cab across the street
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Randomize
