All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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