Can i not drive my cunt home
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
