...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize