Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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