C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
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we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
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You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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