HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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