I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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