Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
