So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
