I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize