No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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