walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
