Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
