I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
