Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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