Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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