I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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