I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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