just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
