An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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