I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
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His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
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I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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