I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
