i just google imaged poop.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
