Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
