I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
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FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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