Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
