i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
