i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
