woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
