thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
