yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
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He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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