Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
