People with herpes should wear stickers.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
